Welcome to the cycle. A few blogs ago, I mentioned a very sloppy theory on the fractal pattern of life. An entry before I mentioned that I am tired. Syllogistically, I will get progressively tired as I travel down the path to the end of the spiral... Anyway... I'm exhausted. Here is the thing. I have been torn all of my life between what people want from me and everything I want to be. I've got a song about it and everything.
Let's start from the beginning. Long ago I was an introverted chubby Mexican-German crossbred mutt with no friends. I found that no one liked me for who I was, just what they could get out of me. Coupled with my religious beliefs, I turned this social parasitism into a lifestyle. In the end, It's a good system for people that are not me. People start telling me things like "you're the only reason I haven't quit," or "you're like the only nice guy here," or, back in my single days "why can't I find a guy like you?" Last I checked, I was a guy like me.
Here's my problem. I am still an unappealing person, with poor health, an O'douls beer gut, and lacking in social graces that I didn't obtain from watching smart ass movies like Office Space and Tommy Boy. The only difference is that the crowd's face has changed. Same people using me for my niceness and supportive attitude, Same people using me for their good feeling. Different people with biological and existential limitations, but the same people none the less. I'm either a whore or a drug, and when I'm spent I'm useless garbage. I'm hoping I'm a drug because if I were a whore, I would've seen more money for this crap.
There's probably more I could expound upon, but I would rather sleep. If no one reads this, no one will be disappointed.
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