10 commandments for a modern audience

     We as Christians have spent a long time trying to make ourselves (rather others) feel bad.  A grand history we belong to of torture, self-flagellism, inquisition, and incineration, and all for the betterment of ourselves and for those who are not in our world of invisible fathers and blood drinking.  It gets fairly extreme when we are in charge of things, but when we are not leaders of our realms, not the pope, not the pentecostal preachers with a large congregation, not the evangelist commanding a crowd of loyal ticket holders, we still try to turn the mood on things that could be enjoyed, and all for the sake of our piety.  For instance, when given the 10 commandments in a modern context, we ran into an interesting predicament.  The first rule of God Club was "No Gods Before Me."  The second was "you can't have their merch either."  (well technically, you could not make their merch, but as we will see shortly, what the words say makes little difference.)
      Now, most of us who were reading or hearing this were being taught about following God.  These tablets came from God himself  in order to make us better people after all, and everything in the bible is "Useful for teaching, instructing... uh... gimme a second... wait, REBUKING!  we have rebuking in that line from Timothy!"  This begins our search for the anti-God in the room.  Well, most of us, if we were learning the 10 commandments belonged to a homogenous group of Christianity who, throughout 2000 years has crystallized the beliefs into the only correct interpretation, and embodied it in our denomination of faith; the other denominations are all going to Hell.  So, we have a good bead on things.  What is our other gods?  We all believe there is one God!  Even if you ask the drunk guy in the bar, he can say that there is one God!  Our God totally kicked the hell out of every other heathen god in our country and is continuing the proud tradition of kicking asses and taking names. 
     This is when we looked at our world and ironically deified things that God could fight.  "Movies are a God" we said, and pitted Sunday morning against Friday night at the multiplex.  "Drinking is a God" and now God could go after everybody's wine, except for the ones that turned into the blood of our savior on Sunday.  "Television is a demon that we have in our very livingroom!"  and so to watch TV became a religious experience.  If you were even thinking about a sitcom or the news, you may as well have roasted a chicken in your living room in honor of the cult of Nielsen and Farnsworth.
     We were molding graven images of False Gods, in violation of God club's second rule, in order to follow the first rule.  No one realized it.  As a result, we became oppressive, hypocritical and elitist, but most of all, we started to condone sin.  Instead of being in the congregation, we began to gossip, which if you didn't realize yet is to bring false witness against ones neighbor.  In reaction we said that gossip was alright so long as it's true because then you aren't lying.  (See, the wording of the commandment is not important, rather the ignorant translation.)  We walked around in our smugness and told people to stop saying "Goddamn, and JESUS" while we called on his name while full of our self-righteous sin.  We never killed anyone (An improvement from our days of burning Muslims) or stole, or committed adultery, (unless of course we did, then we would ask for forgiveness)  We never coveted other peoples things, but we did try to dress in our "Sunday best" in order to inspire the covetous attitude in others.  We honored the Sabbath day very well, including resting our wallets when it came to tip the servers at the restaurants we ate at after church.  She would probably spend it all on her false gods of baby formula or rent.  She isn't honoring the Sabbath today because of her god the power bill, so we are going to be rude.  Then, for compensation for her minimum wage job, we'll leave a tract to save her eternal soul, instead of the 2 dollars on a $60 bill.
     So we went home and repented of our worship of material things, and went to bed with most of the 10 commandments broken.  Of course, we break commandments in the way that Moses broke them, to prove to sinners that God hates them and put their sin in the drinking water (Well, at least rub it in their faces.)
     I do not know why our group wants to put so much suffering in the world.  I don't know why we waste all this time inventing sin when Jesus pointed out that sin is everywhere so long as you care not about your fellow man.  You sin against the other sex not by raping that person, but by treating that person as an object, not as a fellow human being.  The moment you justify a bad situation for a man as being a flaw in his moral fiber, you have in essence ruled on his character before knowing the whole story, effectively baring false witness to yourself against your neighbor.  The moment you invent a god out of innocuous items, you are making images of gods. And finally, by doing all of these things and still walking around with the banner Christian, we take God's name in vein.  We are a destructive bunch for some reason, and for that I've tried to keep a safe distance from those who call themselves Christians, glue fish to the trunks of their cars and tip badly on Sundays.  Those are the ones who crave power, who want inquisitions, who want to beat themselves with whips and convince those who don't that it is fun.  These people are the ones that can't stand sin so much that they refuse to see their own, and, while I am aware of mine, I work my faith out with fear and trembling.